I got up early to go running today. There is a trail next to Chris’s house that leads to some empty fields. It wasn’t raining this morning, however it had rained overnight so the grass was moist and dewy and the air smelled clean and refreshed. I jogged through the fields, careful of where I was going as I don’t have a strong sense of direction. I thought about how grateful I was to be here and how far away from home it felt. I wondered how things would change over the next few years – if I would ever have this same kind of opportunity. I thought about how things were going with Cory and how I was happy that we weren’t running into any drama. I was excited about what the rest of the trip had to bring. I only stayed out for about 45 minutes and then strolled leisurely back to the house to start on the activities for the day.
Afterwards was absolutely wonderful as the four of us found a great little spot in a nearby field to enjoy a picnic that Chris had so graciously and meticulously prepared for us. We sat in a circle, laughed and ate our delicious meal like four friends who had known each other forever. It really brought the early afternoon full circle and diminished whatever feeling I was having that I might leave Stonehenge unfulfilled. The power of human connection is always stronger than I give it credit for.
After the Cori Tap (and maybe another pub or two? I can’t seem to recall), we ended up at a club in downtown Bristol and this is where the trip really started to get real for me. I was beginning to get really frustrated with Cory’s behavior. It really to me as if he was not only having just a mediocre time, but I felt that he was treating both Chris and Danni with an unreasonable amount of disregard given all they were doing for us while we were there.
I admit, I was also feeling sappy in my state of drunkenness and wondered why I wasn’t good enough for Cory to want to be with me. Certainly, our relationship couldn’t have been too serious in his eyes if he was so willing to let me talk him out of it. There was no fight for me, no consideration for trying something new, no willingness to discuss the issue about children further. He seemed almost… relieved to be out of the relationship and I was NOT taking this well at all.
I had just spent a year of my life trying to get to know Cory. I find him to be rather closed off with his emotions – even more so than the average guy – and I was upset that he wasn’t letting his guard down around our friends, enabling him to have a better time and really get to know these wonderful people on a different level. My experience with Cory so far is that he only lets people get so close and then he crosses his arms. I wanted to slap some vulnerability into him!
So much for no drama.