Monday, January 30, 2012

I Hate When My Tea Is Smarter Than Me

As I looked at the menu, I remembered how annoying it was to be a vegetarian. Jeremy and I had eaten at this restaurant in the Rio many times but never when I wasn’t eating meat. I realized how limited my choices were. 

After emotionally recovering from the fact that I wasn’t going to be ordering the delicious salmon that I enjoyed so much, I sighed and asked the waiter for a cobb salad with no chicken or bacon. When my food showed up, I realized it would’ve been easier to simply ask for a bowl of lettuce. 

Jeremy laughed and shook his head as he dove quite happily into his grilled pork chops. 

Dick. 

I was in the middle of my Family Fit Club challenge. Week three is “Sacrifice” and we had drawn my dad’s idea of “no meat” out of the fishbowl. I have been both vegetarian and vegan before so it wasn’t really as challenging for me as it might have been for others, but looking down at that salad, I certainly remembered why I’m now a happy meat-eater. 

“You know, this Family Fit Club thing is really incredible,” Jeremy said between mouthfuls. “After you finish in June and have your results, you should really think about trying to market the idea and make some money off of it. Maybe that’s how you will make all your millions and pay me back my twenty grand!” 

Damn... I already used my dick comment... 

As usual, I just brushed off the conversation and tried to change the subject. I am having a great time with the family playing our game and losing weight. However, I am not at all interested in trying to start the next diet craze. 

Sort of like at work the other day... my GM is a shameless promoter. I like this about him - he is always telling employees about the the unique skills of other employees. He wants to be involved with his staff and have them involved with each other. He likes people to share what their interests are outside of the restaurant. He understands that not everyone who works there is doing it because they strive to manage or own their own restaurant one day. It’s definitely one of his most likable qualities. 

He knows I like to write... however the other day, I came into work and was all smiles because I had just sold two pet portraits. He didn’t know that I was also an artist so I showed him some of my work. He seemed very impressed. 

Later on that night, as I was clocking out and getting ready to head home, he and one of the kitchen managers came out of the office and I told them goodbye. Without hesitation, he turned to the manager and said “Did you know that Tina was an artist?” and my phone was out again, showing off my work. He then looked at me and said “Did you know Jason was also an artist? An artist of words, that is.” Jason is a rapper. He told me the link to his YouTube video. While not my favorite genre of music, I was pretty impressed myself. 

However, here is the problem when people find out I’m an artist. They start telling me all the things I should be doing with it. “Wow, you should do tattoos!” “You should set up shop on Fremont and do quick sketches of people!” “You should get into graphic design!” 

To which I politely reply, “Well, I only like to draw animals so that’s what I stick to.” 

“Yes, but you don’t see many pet portrait shops set up. You could make more money doing any of those other things,” someone said. 

“And, that’s why I’m still a food server,” I replied with a smile. 

Just like my writing. I’ve been told by many people that I should write a book. Shit, Jeremy gave me $20,000 to quit my job and pursue a writing career because he thought I had talent. But at the end of the day, the only kind of writing I really enjoy doing is this blog. Even my second attempt at writing (www.theadventuresofmoe.com) has been put on hold because I find it a bit tedious. And since I haven’t worked on it for a while, it’s so riddled with spam comments that I don’t even want to continue it. 

I’ve been thinking about all three of these things and have come to realize that I’m just not interested in the opportunities that other people see. I wish I could find the motivation to follow through on any of the things I’ve named, but the idea of doing any kind of marketing outside simply clicking “share link to Facebook” makes my skin crawl. 

So.... what does this mean? I’ll be a server forever? I’ll live in a one-bedroom apartment for the rest of my life (my new house resolution was quickly squashed when analyzing our combined income and current financial responsibilities)? I’ll always drive around in a conservative and boring vehicle? 

I’ll always have just enough but never lots? 

Luckily, I’m pretty good at stopping myself before things get out of hand. After all, I have so much more than so many others. I have a job. I have a family. I have a loving boyfriend. I have an apartment packed with things. I have a full closet of clothes. I have plenty of gas in my car. I can easily look around and see that not only do I have “enough”, I have plenty. 

Still, it’s always about having even more and even though I am thankful for all I have been given, I worry frequently about my next step in life. I worry that I’ll always wish I had more money without the desire to really do anything about it. I’ll always think Jeremy wasted that money on someone like me. He can probably see the difference now between a hard worker and a self-starter. 

I read something on the tag of a Yogi Tea bag the other day. It said “To become prosperous, you must make others prosperous.” I’ve been thinking about this a lot. It means many different things to me... but what comes up the most in this moment is just to quit worrying so much about myself and start focusing outwardly on my contributions to my family, my boyfriend, my friends and my customers. I think they all get to take more priority in my life than my overworked brain. 

And just in case Yogi Tea is on to something, I thought it wouldn’t hurt to do some shameless promotion myself... 




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