Sunday, April 8, 2012

Get Your Tickets Now, Should Be A Good Show

Everyone moves on differently. A very good friend reminded me about the importance of moving on this week. There is an illusion some have that if you are the one that ends the relationship, you are immediately “over it” and instantly happy. Well, take it from me - it doesn’t work that way. 

However, after my last post, I did feel much better. Verbal purging always has that affect on me... so I decided to shake off the self pity and get moving on with moving on. I unfriended the necessary people, reached out to others, spent some time with the family and picked up extra shifts at work. Money always helps me smile. 

I also hopped back online and created my new dating profile. I’ve talked about online dating before and have even posted a few self-help blogs on a website I have written for in the past. I’m a fan of the online dating scene, if done properly. I do like how choosy I can be. And I’m not going to lie, the attention I get helps my self esteem when I’m feeling a little bad about myself. Never hurts to get a message telling me how pretty I am. I will always be a sucker for a compliment. 

I like Plenty of Fish. It’s a free site but still very nicely put together. I met Jeremy on POF. In fact, his name on my phone has the same letters next to it as Rob here. There are creepers, sure... but the filtering options are thorough and I feel safe using the site as its designed to be used. Shit, there were creepers at the bar last night... you can’t get away from them, but you can keep them from getting any of your attention. 

I give up a little easy with online dating. My friend Nancy did it right - she went on a LOT of dates before finally finding the right one. I meet one guy one time, think he’s the one and delete the profile I just spent three hours putting together. No wonder I find myself returning time and time again... 

So this time, I have decided to really make a run at it and do some dating. This week alone, I’ve had a date and met three other guys that I’m actively “talking” to. Kinda feels like a reality show... three different men with three very differently personalities. 

Guy #1: Sexy, smart, funny. I initiated contact because I liked his pictures a lot and thought his profile was unique. We began texting a few days ago and are planning to meet later today. The conversation has a lot of sexual overtones with some hilariousness and moments of vulnerability snuck in periodically. Feels very familiar... a relationship that I would really like to have work, but sort of feels like sex is a priority. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to sex with a hot guy... but long term, I have my doubts here... 

Guy #2: Sweet, cute, stable. He initiated contact with me. I responded because he seemed very normal and down to earth. He has a good, stable career that he mostly enjoys, home life seems really similar to mine (apartment life, my side of town, etc.). We also began texting a few days ago. It’s been fun and casual, not overly aggressive in any way and he’s enormously friendly. My gut is that he is great relationship material. I do want to make sure, however, that I’m not falling back in with someone that might be more sensitive than me. Definitely date worthy, however and we are planning on meeting later this week. 

Guy #3: Silly, laid-back, fun. FLAMING red hair - couldn’t resist checking him out when I saw his first picture. He is very clearly West Coast, looks like having fun and chilling out are very important, but at the same time he seems to have his shit together and stability is something I really thirst for these days. We haven’t started texting yet, but we’ve online chatted once and have exchanged quite a few informational emails. Sounds dangerously close to being “friend” material, but I would still like to meet him in person and see what his story is. 

There are a few others I’ve been going back and forth with and I do plan on going on pursuing some other options. After each break up, I talk about how much I don’t want to go through that anymore. So, I’m working on taking a different approach and really seeing what options are available to me. I’m hoping to see a difference in the caliber of men that come into my life by changing my perspective on who I am and what I deserve. 

There is the downside, of course... but this is something I’m not going to be able to avoid... the guy I went out with earlier this week? Nice guy... funny, cute, great voice. New York met Nashville and then moved to Vegas to play poker. Not my ideal stable career, but I certainly don’t turn my nose up it as I might have before I met Jeremy

So we met for drinks, hit it off, lots of laughing. Pop culture commonalities were missing, but for a first date, things were going swimmingly. As the night went on and we became more comfortable, the conversation started going in the direction of sex. He had already moved in for a kiss (I CAN kiss with braces!!) and while I usually wait to have the “sex-talk”, since we were already moving in that direction, I opened my closet and exposed my skeleton. 

I told him about my HPV and the scare I had with Herpes. Now, I always expect a bit of kickback and/or hesitation when I tell people this. But honestly, all the men I’ve interacted with since I’ve had to have this conversation have been really understanding and, thankfully, educated on HPV itself. So, normally it just deepens the conversation and things move along. 

Yeah... not this time. 

Freaked out and ran out of the door screaming like a girl isn’t EXACTLY what happened. But it’s how it plays out in my mind when I recall it. He physically backed away and started asking if he could contract anything by kissing me. The third time he asked this same question, I could see him slowly going into a panic and thought it would be better if he just left. I wasn’t sure my previously inflated ego could handle watching him melt down in front of me, as if he were Jack Nicholson in The Shining. 

So... there’s that. My mom is right, so much better to find out as early as possible. While I completely agree with that, it’s still sucks to go through. But, this is my bed so sleep I shall. 

Perhaps I should just have that particular blog linked to my profile... make things easier and keep the ones trolling for sex at a distance. (Although I just reread that blog... haven't in ages and wow, I have come a long way, especially with my family. Amazing, this verbal purging...) No, it’s cool... having to have that conversation in person a hundred times builds character, right? 

My confidence is in tact. I know there is someone out there who will love and accept me despite my flaws. I’ve met enough men that are supportive that I can’t let one uneducated guy hurt my feelings too bad. Besides, he didn’t know who Talking Heads were. I should’ve been the one who got up and left. 

Regardless of the outcome, it should be an interesting journey. Wanna come along?


  1. Don't forget to do your list. (If you haven't already) It really works, if for no other reason it reminds you what you really want AND deserve in a relationship.
    When are we going for yo-land?

  2. Replies
    1. I would've guessed given the content - but for sure the yo-land comment gave you away. :)

  3. I think not dating anyone for a couple of years will do yo good. It did me a couple times in my past. Sounds kinda monk like but sounds like you just need to be on your own and enjoy the time you spend by yourself. Its how I stumbled onto a couple girls that I had great relationships with and even though they ended up with me being single again. It just seems like you hustle to get into the next relationship with.

    1. I can definitely appreciate your point of view on this... and I would tend to agree if I thought I were uncomfortable with who I am. Taking some time to myself is certainly not a bad thing, but a few years without dating? Too much time to become crazy cat lady. :)

  4. Sometimes a conclussion is not a happy ending...sometimes being in a relationship may not make you as happy as you think....your independence and self strength shows me that dating and not rushing into being tied down may be the answer to happiness that you deserve. Enjoying yourself is priority one, making sure you date, boyfriend, spouse, etc. enjoys himself should be last priority. He should naturaly be pleased with who you are and who you are not. ;)