Tuesday, September 3, 2013

The "Real World" Does Not Exist. Don't Worry... "Your World" Still Does.

I remember when I started this blog. The motivation was self-discovery and connection. A cathartic outlet. Unfortunately, it developed into this disgusting and pathetic display of self-promotion. Gross. I’m trying to bounce back from all of that. Because there is still something very important to me about expressing myself in such a candid way. And as it turns out, it’s not to hear about what anyone else has to say about it. 

I thought about removing the comments portion from my blog. I find that I’m not very good at taking feedback and that sometimes, even what is supposed to be positive reinforcement ends up pissing me off. 

I’m not so naive to think that my problems are special. I know everyone has a battle to fight and that mine is probably not so bad. However, we all live in our own created realities and no one else lives there with us. Therefore, quite often, your advice and “constructive” feedback is useless to me. 

Anyone who really thinks they know me has to understand that I’ve been through the steps. I understand responsibility, making positive choices, having productive thoughts and living a selfless life. A place where being there for other people has its advantages and somewhere in all the darkness, my choices to live a healthier life, both physically and emotionally, will gradually bring the sun. 

I lived in this reality for a while. It was okay. Unfortunately, the weight of others’ judgment was stronger than my will to stick around. 

It’s been a rough month. Rougher than I’ve had in a while. However, like always, I made my way out of the muddiness of a tortured mind and am sitting here before you once again. Putting out what’s in my head and hoping you don’t respond with some bullshit about how we choose our own happiness and that giving is truly how we learn to receive. Or fill in the blank with some other vague cliche. 

I find it insulting that people think I should do what they would do to find happiness. In fact, I realize how careful I have to be when giving advice to others. My advice to you is just as useless as your advice to me. I don’t live in your reality. In fact, it’s probably a good thing I live in my head as much as I do and don’t waste my time trying to save the world by making people feel like less than they are. Oh wait... okay I totally do that. And that makes me an asshole too. 

Look, have a beer with me. Say something nice to me at work. Post something funny on my Facebook wall. Check in every now and then. These are the ways you can help me hate you less. If you actually, truly care about how I feel. 

If it doesn’t matter to you either way, I went ahead and left the comments portion open on here. Judge away and continue giving the kind of advice that makes YOU feel good. 

Anonymously, of course...

2 comments:

  1. I dont think that giving is the way people learn to receive. well, maybe some people. But, treating others the way they want to be treated would likely bring the same in return. Let's face it, you are who you are and there is no changing that, just like everyone else is who they are. In the end, you must do what makes YOU happy, not what makes everyone else happy. But, you have to figure out what you want that will make you happy, and I know that has been a struggle for you. Do you like it when others are happy in your presence? What is it that you do that makes them happy? Go down that road if you want--or a similar road with whatever..Otherwise it is just wash, rinse, repeat! You are talented in many ways, but I also think deep inside you are lonely. You deserve happiness and it is waiting for you in the least likely place :)

    "anonymously, of course"

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  2. You are writing down, what everyone is thinking in their own minds.

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