Friday, April 3, 2015

To Kid Or Not To Kid

First of all, it’s “you’re”. 

I totally remember feeling this way. How can I not? I felt that way pretty much my entire life. There is a very big part of me that still feels that way now. 

So why did this comment upset me so much as I was taking my leisurely scroll through Facebook this morning? 

Oh, right... the life growing inside my belly. Duh. 

Here is my struggle... although pregnant for the first time ever, many of my philosophies about procreation remain the same. I think too many people have too many children without considering the consequences. I think too many children are in foster care and orphanages and wish that more people would consider adoption (See 19 Kids and Counting). I think parenting, or more so, the lack thereof, is one of the main reasons our society is in a moral downfall. I, too, believe the world is incredibly overpopulated. 

But to wish that all woman would vow to never have children? That’s gotta be considered kind of ignorant, right? Is it just me? 

In my most ignorant of youth, I remember asking a woman I worked with why she was such an advocate for having children and raising a family when there were so many horrible things in this world. I mean, who would want to raise a kid in this mess? Her response to me was that she agreed that the world was rough. She and her husband wanted to be a part of making a change. So they decided to have two kids and raise them with all the love, nurturing and education they could possibly provide in an effort to bring two well adjusted, confident and open-minded human beings into this world. I mulled over her response for a while before replying, “Okay, but what happens when your two perfect children end up working in the upper floors of the World Trade Center on September 11th?” 

It’s easy to be negative about having children. Especially when you don’t have them. 

Another friend of mine on Facebook the other day posted something about how cruel it was to use “I’m pregnant” as an April Fool’s joke. How it was insensitive to those woman who couldn’t conceive. I used to wish I was one of those women. That way, I would never have to worry about one day, having to make the decision about whether or not I would go against everything I ever believed in and bring a child into this world. 

But, that’s not the case and it turns out I’m fertile. And just like everyone in my life ever said to me on the subject, the day that test came up positive, my world changed. Like Beatrix Kiddo in Kill Bill. No more assassination domination plans for this girl. 

All I think about these days is what I’m going to do to be the best mom I can be. I think about education, culture, social and family interaction, life experiences and all the things I can do to ensure that when I do send my child out into the world as a young adult, they will be as prepared as possible for what lies ahead. I think about Johnny’s role as a father and how important our relationship will be for our child. I think about how much we are going to fuck up, no matter what our intentions are. And I think about how maybe in the end, what we do as parents... just won’t matter. 

I don’t know what is right or wrong anymore, in the big scheme of things. I have absolutely no problem with women who choose not to have children. I no longer have issues with those that want them. I am still an advocate for adoption but because it’s such a ridiculously complicated process, it’s hard to condemn those who choose to have their own. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think everyone should do what they think is right for them. What a concept, right? 

As far as the Facebook comment, I understand. Like I said, I had similar strong feelings for an exceptional amount of time. And the world makes it very, very easy to get disillusioned and frustrated. And maybe, as a society, it’s not a bad idea to slow down on the breeding. I mean, the planet is only so big and the resources only so plentiful. So yeah, I get it. 

But I still unfriended her.

My super cool niece, Avery

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