Monday, February 29, 2016

It's Been A Long Year

I came in off a dead end street. 
Walked in slow and took a back row seat; 
I knew I had nothing new to say. 
So many people looking so burned out 
I couldn't help feeling bad about just
Having to be there anyway. 

A friend of a friend from work came in. 
I never have known what to make of him, 
He'd always seemed to be so insincere to me. 
You know I've always been afraid of a 12 step crowd; 
They laugh too much and talk too loud 
Like they all know where everyone should be. 

It's been a long,
A long, long year. 
How did I get here? 

They were talking in a circle, I was by myself 
Everyone was telling everyone how they felt; 
It felt like so long since I'd been young. 
As the circle kept moving its way to the back 
I was wondering what I was going to say. 

In fact, I still didn't know
As it rolled off my tongue... 

It's been a long,
A long, long year. 
How did I get here? 

I didn't say a word all the way to my car 
But a little later on that night at the bar 
I was telling everyone how strange my day had been. 
They said "Brother, all you need is another shot" 
So I threw one down and said "thanks a lot" 
As I thought to myself "Well, here we go again". 

It's been a long,
A long, long year. 
How did I get here?

- Long Year, Todd Snider

* * *

It was basically how I expected it to be. The meeting, that is. I wasn’t required to share. Everyone was perfectly content allowing me to just be present. The friend I went with introduced me to a few people and filled me in on things as the meeting progressed. She offered me coffee and brought me a cookie. 

Someone I knew was there. Someone I knew from the past that I hadn’t see in a while. Someone that I saw when I was at a bar getting drunk. Out of all the meetings in all the places on all the different days, there he was. I didn’t know how to feel. I hadn’t planned on sharing anything but having him there made me feel embarrassed. But then I remembered he was there too. He didn’t share either. 

For an hour, I listened. I drank my coffee and listened. There wasn’t nearly as much God as I thought there would be, which was a relief. I mean, there was the Serenity Prayer to start, of course. And then the Lord’s Prayer to conclude. I didn’t say either one. I don’t care that everyone else did. 

Comfortable isn’t really the word I’d use. But it was okay. It was easy to be there. I related to a few things that were said and felt like I was supposed to be hearing them. I felt compelled to say something but didn’t. I wasn’t ready to share my story. 

At the end of the meeting, even if you didn’t share, they went around the room and everyone said their name. And as the words left my mouth, I knew that I had just made a decision that was going to change everything. 

“I’m Tina. And I’m an alcoholic.”

My reason

Friday, February 26, 2016

You Know What? I Don't Even Care... Just Fucking Vote For Someone

This motherfucker...

Okay, so my Facebook feed has been filled with a lot of anti-Trumpisms these days. It may seem like I am an un-supporter out of nowhere. That’s not the case. It’s just that I kept thinking of his candidacy as a joke. Totally and 100% laughable. Good times, lol. All that shit. And now, out of nowhere, Donald Trump is very likely going to be the next POTUS. 

Obviously, if I had my choice, I would not want this to occur. I mean, he’s racist, he’s sexist, he appears very ignorant to me, he feels superior to everyone and he takes no shame in being filthy, disgusting rich while so many struggle to have just enough. He truly is everything I want my son not to be. The idea of him running this nation is enough to make my stomach turn. And then throw up my last seventeen meals.

But what am I going to do? I’m not ACTUALLY going to move to Canada if he gets elected. I’m going to sit back and watch the ensuing shit show. 

Or am I? 

That may be what frightens me the most. Could there possibly be no shit show?

Eight years ago, I remember sitting in the Suncoast bowling alley, watching the polls as they reflected a winning Barack Obama. I remember sitting down on the steps and crying. I was overwhelmed with relief. Finally, we would have change. We would have something different. We would have a President that cared about the betterment of our nation. We would finally be rid of this hatemongering Bush administration. Things were looking up. 

I remember sitting there, feeling like change was truly upon us. And then my big brother walked up to me, scoffed at my tears and said, “do you really think this is going to make any difference at all?”

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m still an Obama supporter. I see the things he has done right and I don’t hate him for the things that he has done wrong. On a personal level, my life is better after having him in office. Maybe not life-changing, but I certainly don’t feel cheated as an American with him in office. But, has he given me the confidence to believe in politicians again? Has he made me feel like the world is a better place to raise my son? Would I want more presidents like him? Hmm... 

If you forced me into a corner and asked me which party I belong to, I guess I’d have to say I’m a Libertarian. Socially liberal while fiscally conservative. And Atheist. Good God that I don’t believe in, can we PLEASE elect a leader who won’t bring religion into the White House. Anyhow, I suppose that’s a completely different election. 

Here he is, making fun of a physically handicapped interviewer
Does it really not matter? In the big scheme of things? Will it not matter if Trump is our president? I mean, it could be interesting. Well, of course it’s going to be interesting. But could he truly do irreparable damages? Will Congress let him get away with that? Based on what I’ve seen the last eight years, there are enough opposing party members around to make sure Obama gets very little accomplished. Actually, that’s our M.O. lately - spending an entire presidency making sure the one we didn’t want elected gets very little done. Such efficient and productive politics. No wonder we are reverting to old school cases of racism and sexism. I almost feel guilt over my relief of giving birth to a white male. Yeah, pretty shitty, isn’t it?

Very appropriate, you ignorant monkey followers
I suppose the part that really bothers me is how embarrassing it’s going to be to have Donald Trump representing the United States. But in all actuality, we deserve it. We’ve become such a shit nation. A bunch of passive aggressive crybabies that feel entitled to things we have not yet earned. And now, as a result, we get some rich, arrogant and immature piece of shit looking like he’s the BETTER choice than all the other usual suspects running for president. The talking heads of Washington. We deserve this for being gluttonous and ignorant. Such a sad, sad state of affairs. 

I’m voting. I mean, duh. Anyone who takes the time to say how much they despise a certain candidate and then wakes up on Election Day and realizes it’s too much trouble to drive down the street, stand in line and drop a ballot deserve to be ruled by an ape. 

But I dunno... maybe I’m more ignorant than I realize. Maybe we have become the kind of country that needs a ruler like Trump to make any kind of difference. Maybe a year or two from now I’ll be eating my words, admitting I was wrong. Agreeing that you have to be a bigoted asshole in today’s bigoted world to really show change. Maybe the passive aggressive nature of previous presidents has driven us to this. Maybe, just maybe, this gigantic piece of negative, angry and self-righteous turd can lead us to something great. 

And if so? If he succeeds? 

Then, and only then... that's when I’ll move out of the country.

Ryan Reynolds said it's okay. And Deadpool is way more popular than any candidate running.