Monday, February 29, 2016

It's Been A Long Year

I came in off a dead end street. 
Walked in slow and took a back row seat; 
I knew I had nothing new to say. 
So many people looking so burned out 
I couldn't help feeling bad about just
Having to be there anyway. 

A friend of a friend from work came in. 
I never have known what to make of him, 
He'd always seemed to be so insincere to me. 
You know I've always been afraid of a 12 step crowd; 
They laugh too much and talk too loud 
Like they all know where everyone should be. 

It's been a long,
A long, long year. 
How did I get here? 

They were talking in a circle, I was by myself 
Everyone was telling everyone how they felt; 
It felt like so long since I'd been young. 
As the circle kept moving its way to the back 
I was wondering what I was going to say. 

In fact, I still didn't know
As it rolled off my tongue... 

It's been a long,
A long, long year. 
How did I get here? 

I didn't say a word all the way to my car 
But a little later on that night at the bar 
I was telling everyone how strange my day had been. 
They said "Brother, all you need is another shot" 
So I threw one down and said "thanks a lot" 
As I thought to myself "Well, here we go again". 

It's been a long,
A long, long year. 
How did I get here?

- Long Year, Todd Snider

* * *

It was basically how I expected it to be. The meeting, that is. I wasn’t required to share. Everyone was perfectly content allowing me to just be present. The friend I went with introduced me to a few people and filled me in on things as the meeting progressed. She offered me coffee and brought me a cookie. 

Someone I knew was there. Someone I knew from the past that I hadn’t see in a while. Someone that I saw when I was at a bar getting drunk. Out of all the meetings in all the places on all the different days, there he was. I didn’t know how to feel. I hadn’t planned on sharing anything but having him there made me feel embarrassed. But then I remembered he was there too. He didn’t share either. 

For an hour, I listened. I drank my coffee and listened. There wasn’t nearly as much God as I thought there would be, which was a relief. I mean, there was the Serenity Prayer to start, of course. And then the Lord’s Prayer to conclude. I didn’t say either one. I don’t care that everyone else did. 

Comfortable isn’t really the word I’d use. But it was okay. It was easy to be there. I related to a few things that were said and felt like I was supposed to be hearing them. I felt compelled to say something but didn’t. I wasn’t ready to share my story. 

At the end of the meeting, even if you didn’t share, they went around the room and everyone said their name. And as the words left my mouth, I knew that I had just made a decision that was going to change everything. 

“I’m Tina. And I’m an alcoholic.”

My reason

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